


Smile

by AlseGold



Category: X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 23:45:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2366399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlseGold/pseuds/AlseGold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written back in 2002 or 2003 when I realised that Seishirou in the manga is always pictured with a smile on his face, except at the moment of death in X/1999 vol. 16, which to this day remains my favourite volume of X/1999. This story is my explanation of why Seishirou always, always smiles. It was posted on CLAMPESQUE a very long time ago, but CLAMPESQUE is long gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smile

* * *

**  
**

 

The night breeze ran gentle fingers of air through his hair, brushing over his cheeks and leaving ruffles along his dark suit as he walked along. It was a strangely warm wind, on a beautiful night when the stars were so bright that their light seemed to reflect in the dark glasses that hid eyes that had once been a perfectly-matched pair of beautiful amber-brown, and the smile that played along the handsome mouth. It was a smile both gentle and steely, and matched the cool, resolute steel in those eyes.

_Smile_.

That was what okaa-san always said. _Smile_.

It was the first thing she taught him.

_People believe that eyes are the windows to a person’s soul. Look into my eyes, Seishirou. What do you see? Are you reading my soul—or your own? When someone looks into your face, Seishirou, they see not your eyes only, but also your nose, your eyebrows, and most importantly, they see your smile. That’s how they judge you—by your whole face. Your eyes can betray how you really feel, but a smile can never be read. A smile can do anything—it can lie for you in the worst of situations, and it can give you the whole world on a silver platter, my Seishirou. So always smile, Seishirou—always smile. Smile the most when you feel least like it. And nobody will be able to tell what you are really thinking._

’kaa-san was always right.

So he always smiled.

He schooled his lips into gentle curves, into misleadingly wide smiles, and infused sensuality and suggestiveness with a mere thought, training them to mean...absolutely nothing.

Just a smile.

He smiled with the assurance of maturity and adulthood, of a man with a wealth of experience, when he looked at himself in the mirror, and knotted his tie with lazy skill, and buttoned those cuffs of white-starched, pristinely-ironed shirt with suitable nonchalance and precision.

He smiled with the joy of duty, and of knowledge that this was the one thing that he, of all people in the world, could do, when he prowled the streets, hunter’s mind and keen instincts, heightened by powers of an ancient Tree, hidden behind smouldering good looks.

He smiled with the cool, icy detachment of judge, jury and hangman, when he thrust his hand through his victim’s chest, and took the life away, beautiful amber-brown eyes keen and cold as they judged the evil life the capable hands took, and drained the blackness of the soul.

He smiled with gentleness, gratitude and warm love, as he took the life of the woman he called ’kaa-san, who had taught him his life’s lessons, and who smiled up at him as her life ebbed with her blood.

He smiled with surprise and pleasure, and the pure, untainted arrogance of youth, that first time when he saw the little boy with the wide, shining green eyes and pale, pink-tinted white skin and traditional ceremonial robes, looking up at him.

He smiled with mischief, and unshakeable confidence that he would always win, when he bent down to the boy’s eye-level and murmured the words that should not have been spoken, words that were suddenly lost, flown away on an unexpected breeze, words…that changed his life.

Sakurazuka _mori_ Seishirou was never seen without a smile. But did anyone ever wonder how much it took to keep that smile on, for more than twenty years, through the years of hell and high water? All anyone had ever seen was the warm smile of a kind veterinarian, the debonair smile of a handsome, charming man, the merciless smile of the executioner who had been born to mete out cold justice…or the icy smile of betrayal.

He had smiled coolly, confidently, on the day he revealed himself to a naïve sixteen-year-old boy, who suddenly saw the merciless curve of the lips, completely ignoring the expression of gentle regret in the single beautiful, amber-brown eye.

He had smiled with studied lack of emotion as he slowly wrapped tendrils of his power around the boy, giving the other time to fight back if he wished, giving a former Sumeragi head time to exert all of what remained of her once formidable powers, to free her grandson. And then he had let them both go, with that same smile, as if he did not care…and they did not see the curious look of calm in his eyes, as if he had expected it all along.

He had smiled with nonchalance as he faced the boy’s protective twin sister under the Tree from which he drew his power, and the sister, for all her empathy, was buried too deeply in her grief to see the faint hint of muted pain and regret in the single, narrowed amber-brown eye, because all she saw was the cold, careless smile of the man who had broken her brother’s heart and ripped his gentle, fragile soul into two.

_We are the Sakurazukamori. We will never let emotion rule us—until the day we die._

Perhaps—if she had seen it—

_You took Subaru’s heart_ , she had accused. _He will never wake again._

But she had not seen the look. She had read only the smile, just like his ’kaa-san had said years before.

But that did not matter anymore. It was past.

And as he walked quietly towards Rainbow Bridge in the wee hours of the morning, his smile did not falter despite the sight of the slender figure in a flapping white trenchcoat, waiting for him on the Bridge…waiting, yet unaware that he was waiting for _him_.

Perhaps he might have stopped walking if he had known what lay for him at the end of that journey.

Perhaps he might have stopped smiling if he had known what he was about to face.

But he did not stop walking.

He did not stop smiling.

He smiled the calm, carefully measured smile of old, a smile that seemed to suggest derision, contempt, and superiority; or perhaps gentleness, strength, and charm; or even a little bit of philosophy, depending on the person reading that smile. After all, a smile can say anything. Eyes hidden behind those dark glasses, he accosted the other, wrapping warm, tanned fingers around cool white ones, revelling silently in the shock of emotion that ran untamed through the other.

He smiled faintly, vaguely, as the younger man spoke words of bitter weariness, and reminded him, _You changed me._

He retained that smile, coolly using his considerable powers to defend himself as the other attacked. There was a curious desperation in those attacks, and an equally curious lethargy in the defence…if only the young man in the white trenchcoat had noticed…

_I was trapped by the sakura long ago._

And the warm, beautiful mouth that the younger man had once dreamed of kissing for pure love, suddenly curved widely, as he understood. Everything seemed to fall into place at that moment.

_So this is what ’kaa-san meant._

It was a battle to the death.

He smiled warmly at the young man, his single, good eye laughing at the other with surprising tenderness. But the other saw only mockery in that smile and glance.

_Isn’t it your Wish to kill me?_

The answer did not really matter.

Because their destiny had been foreordained.

_Who will be the one to kill me?_ he had asked once.

_The one you like the best,_ his mother had answered.

He smiled as the one he liked the best lashed out at him, and he calmly exerted his own special power, the one that he used to kill. Only this time—

The force of the hand through his chest forced him to his knees, as pain clawed ferociously through him, and it felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. But still he smiled, and only the faint drops of perspiration that trickled down his face revealed the strain he was putting on himself, to smile through the agonising pain that seemed to increase with every second as his life ebbed away.

_You caught me. In your arms, at last, Subaru-kun…_

The curve of his mouth was faint as his strength faded, but the single amber-brown eye, narrowed and filled with pain, was joyous as he lifted his head slightly to look into the stunned face of Sumeragi Subaru.

_It’s not your fault, my Subaru-kun._ Aloud he said, “It…was…your sister!”    

So many things he wanted to say…and so little time…so much pain in Subaru…one last burst of strength, never mind the pain…he reached up and whispered words only the two of them would know…words hidden in a heart for half a lifetime, words that meant more to Sumeragi Subaru and Sakurazuka Seishirou, than anyone could imagine…

The last burst of strength was gone, and he fell back, sliding into white-clad arms that embraced him tightly, as Sumeragi Subaru wept. Even so, Subaru did not notice…

…that Sakurazuka Seishirou was no longer smiling. Indeed, the curve of those lips drooped downwards, tired and sad. For after a lifetime of forced smiles, it was no longer necessary to continue living a lie. Sakurazuka Seishirou could finally rest in peace.

 

 


End file.
